Why Do I Keep Reacting Like This?
Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash
Understanding Emotional Triggers (and How EMDR Can Help)
You promised yourself you’d stay calm.
You knew it wasn’t that big of a deal.
But then a comment, a tone, or a glance hits the wrong nerve, and suddenly, you’re flooded.
You’re defensive. You’re shut down. You’re spiraling.
And afterward, you wonder, “Why did that affect me so much?”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re likely being triggered.
Understanding how your past shows up in the present is the first step toward healing what still hurts.
What’s a Trigger, Really?
The word “trigger” gets thrown around a lot, but at its core, it means this:
Something in the present activates unprocessed pain from the past.
It might be:
A raised voice that echoes a parent’s anger
A canceled plan that reactivates a wound of exclusion
A moment of silence that feels like abandonment
These aren’t just memories. They’re emotional imprints, carved into the nervous system.
As trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk puts it: “The body keeps the score.”
Triggers don’t just live in your mind. They live in your body, and they remember what hurt.
Why You Can’t Just “Calm Down”
You might know your partner isn’t trying to reject you.
You might understand that your friend is just busy.
But the part of you that got hurt doesn’t live in your logic.
It lives in your nervous system.
So when you’re triggered, your brain shifts into survival mode, fast.
You might:
Lash out or shut down (Fight)
Walk away or withdraw (Flight)
Go numb or freeze (Freeze)
Fawn or over-accommodate (Fawn)
These aren’t overreactions. They’re overprotections, created by younger versions of you that still feel unsafe, even when you’re safe now.
Why Your Reactions Feel So Big
Your reaction isn’t just about what’s happening.
It’s about what it means, deep down.
A sigh from someone might feel like, “I’m failing again.”
A delay in a reply might feel like, “I’ve been forgotten.”
Your mind says, “It’s fine.”
Your body says, “We’ve been here before, and it wasn’t safe.”
When your reaction is bigger than the moment, it’s probably rooted in something older.
What Is EMDR, and Why Does It Help?
Talk therapy is powerful. But when your body is holding the wound, processing, not just talking, is what brings relief.
That’s where EMDR comes in.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a research-supported therapy that helps your brain reprocess stuck memories, so they stop hijacking your present.
It doesn’t erase the memory.
It helps your nervous system finally believe: It’s over. I’m safe now.
Here’s how it works:
You identify a memory or situation that still feels raw, reactive, or unresolved.
Your therapist guides you through bilateral stimulation (like eye movements or tapping) while you gently focus on that experience.
Your brain begins to reprocess the memory, forming new, more adaptive beliefs, without you needing to relive the pain.
Over time, the memory loses its emotional charge.
The trigger softens.
And your body stops bracing for something that already passed.
How Michele Uses EMDR at EMCounseling
At EMCounseling, Michele works with adults who feel like they’ve done the work, but still feel stuck.
She often hears:
“I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do.”
“I hate how reactive I get.”
“Why can’t I let this go?”
With warmth and care, Michele helps clients explore the roots of their emotional reactivity—not to dwell in the past, but to loosen its grip on the present.
Whether the wound is trauma, neglect, heartbreak, or years of chronic overwhelm, Michele uses EMDR to help clients reconnect with a more grounded, empowered version of themselves.
Could This Be You?
You might benefit from EMDR if:
You feel stuck in the same emotional cycles, no matter how much insight you have
You react strongly (or go completely numb) in certain situations
You’ve experienced trauma, neglect, or emotional overwhelm—even if you don’t think it “counts”
You’ve talked it out in therapy before, but your body still feels on edge
You’re not too sensitive.
You’re not overreacting.
You’re carrying something that deserves to be released.
The Path to Peace Starts Inside
If something in this post hit home—if your body whispered yes, that’s me, you don’t have to stay stuck.
At EMCounseling, we help teens and adults move from reactivity to regulation, from fear to freedom.
Explore therapy with Michele or learn more about EMDR at emcounseling.org.
Because you deserve more than coping, you deserve healing.